WHY!

Why is it that bad things happen when your not feeling well? It feels like everything I touch turns to shit (sorry for the bad language).

My dogs have fleas, my house is a pig sty, Christmas decorations need to be packed away , etc , etc , etc.
At the moment I don't care about things like the house, how I look, how I smell I do make an effort to make dinner and feed my son of coarse.  Boy, I should win mother of the year, NOT!

OK, so I feel depressed that's no big drama I have dealt with that before, but you forget how bad it makes you feel.  When I am feeling well, I think back to when I was depressed or anxious and think to myself "I can handle depression now, I will never feel that way again".

 But it lingers in the dark (depression that is, not some handsome stranger, unfortunately) patiently waiting to pounce and bring you back to earth out of your day dream ,that you could ever be free of this beast.

Maybe, I need just to be still and feel what it's like to be depressed.  I think I spend all my time self medicating so I don't have to feel, so I don't have to feel the pain of depression.

But I don't have the time to lie around in bed and feel depressed, I have people to care for and a house to run.  Anyway everyone would think I am just feeling sorry for myself if I were to take it easy for a few days, I need to soldier on, and try and act normal (whatever that is).