BURN OUT !

I feel exhausted, I feel I could sleep for years and never wake up that's how tired I am.  When I feel this way I worry that the fog of depression is waiting to smother me sucking the oxygen out of my lunges.

It's hard to do anything when feeling this way.  I feel guilty, because my son is on school holidays and I can't be the perfect mother that I so want to be.  I want to take him places and be 100%  present for him but I am finding it really hard just to get out of bed.

Up until now I have taken him to the movies and skate park and other activity's but it has taken all my energy doing that and now I feel empty and sad that I can't live up to my expectation of what a mother is.

I often wonder if watching movies and television has influenced my view of what a mother should be like, because you often see the perfect mother in the perfect family on the big screen.

Is it because we place our mask on when outside of our homes, even in company of close friends and family never showing the true self the one which is dying inside not coping with daily life. I often look at my friends and think how perfect they are and how I want to just like them.

When I think about it, you put a lot of energy into maintaining the mask so its no wonder I am so tired.

Why do we do this? It puts pressure on ourselves, is it so bad to say "I not coping here,can someone help me".  But we don't, which means we are in a consent state of chasing perfection. 

Would it be so bad if I went back to bed for a couple of hours?, but I know I would lie there thinking how lazy I am and that I should be doing a million different things like house work etc.

I am going to make an effort of telling the truth and not pretending that all is well when it's not, and maybe people will feel they can to do the same with me. 

Do you put on a mask?